When Jess and I got married, our outlandishly large book collections also came together as husband and wife.
To give some idea, we attempted to have a yard sale last year. At the sale, we had two full-size quilts spread out on the lawn, each completely covered with books… we’re talking laid on end with the spines of each book visible… Two quilts. Full size. That’s a literal fuckload of books.
We ended up giving most of them away to a neighbor who has a friend attempting to open a used book store.
Even with the literal fuckload of books unloaded, we STILL have three bookcases jam packed with reading materials… and more books in the attic… and more books on our nightstands… and more books in the kitchen…..and more books….
As an early Christmas present, or late anniversary present, or right-on-time Rosh Hashanah present, Jess’s dad built a bookcase for us.
Which needed to be painted.
And I needed a product to write about. Enter Anthony Sullivan’s Point ‘N Paint.
According to the infomercial (you may have missed it, unless you speak Polish), there were only two steps needed to have the shelf finished.
- Step one: Point.
- Step two: Paint.
Oh, that’s simple! I can only think of two easier ways to get paint on something.
If I were omnipotent, I could say “Let there be paint!” and there would be paint. And it would be good. A dark olive hue to mirror the throw pillows– at least according to Lowe’s color-match system.
Unfortunately, I’m not all powerful, and can’t command a piece of furniture to channel its inner chameleon.
And, even if I weren’t all powerful, maybe I could be a painting superhero. Like Valspar Man! I’d have my little sidekick Dutch Boy, and we’d be ready at any time to spring into action, changing the color of shit.
Again, sadly, my painting skills would never warrant a call from Wonder Woman, begging me to join the Justice League to battle a villain like The Sinister Easel.
So, my best option was the Point N’ Paint system.
It started out rather awesomely. The pads use surprisingly little paint (we bought a gallon… turns out we needed less than a quart… probably less than a pint). The paint didn’t run at all. No drips. The coat looked even. And, painting the top of the shelf took less than a minute, which seemed hella fast.
But, then I tried getting the shelves.
On the box, it depicts a Point and Paint pointer… or is it painter?…. call it what you will…. its triangular tip against a door jamb, a slug trail of red following it. The red paint is flush with the lintel above, and the corner looks absolutely flawless.
“No Tape! Just Point & Paint!” the box screams, more than likely in Billy Mays’ voice. That man loved exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hopefully one day I’ll be able to upload photos of the Point ‘N Paint’s cornering. Unfortunately at present, our camera is experiencing technical difficulties (read: Miller Lite. Tastes Great. Less Filling. Will Jack Up Your Digital Camera Completely.)
Let’s put it this way: Former Philadelphia Flyer Mike Rathje, shitty defenseman that he was, worked better in the corners than a Point ‘N Paint.
Not as great around fixtures as advertised, either.
Still, I much prefer the Point ‘N Paint system to paint rollers. It has a built in paint tray, so you don’t have to keep buying those disposable plastic ones. Rollers cover roughly the same size area, but use more paint (not sure how that works… maybe more paint is left in the plastic trays than in the P ‘N P, or maybe the rollers cover the same spot about 87 times unnecessarily) and the completed job doesn’t look nearly as balanced and smooth as the Point ‘N Paint’s handiwork.
If the bookshelf came to us in individual pieces and we painted it pre-assembly, I think the entire job would have been done in about 15 minutes, and could have been handled with only the provided tools.
As it were, the Rathje-type cornering made a paint brush necessary.
Still, it took a lot less time to finish than expected, and it honestly does look good. I’m pretty impressed.
Would I paint a room with it? Yeah. Why not?
Would that entire room be painted within an hour as the box claims? Not so sure about that.
Would I get tape for the corners? I would. And a small brush.
You could also get a pole to attach the Point N’ Paint to. On the box, it reads “Works With Any Pole!” So, it’s a lot like Paris Hilton that way.
Where to Buy: Point ‘N Paint at Asseenontvandmore.com
Is it “Pointer” or is it “Painter?”: Both are acceptable in my opinion. The better question would be Are we human, or are we dancer?